i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
