did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?