I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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