Plan B is the new Plan A
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".