By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in