Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
