dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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