I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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