so that wasnt chicken after all
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
