I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
