my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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