I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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