Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
