oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
