I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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