the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
