My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize