What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
