...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
