oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
