college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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