All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
