my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
