That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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