I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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