I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
