I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
