i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
