sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
