I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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