I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
