i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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