Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
