bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
