...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
