3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize