Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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