oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
