your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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