So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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