My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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