I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit dude........stairs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize