Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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