i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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