So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
