dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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