the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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