I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
