VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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