Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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