I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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