She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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