Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
