dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
