Don't make out with my wife yet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
