i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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