Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I intend to get homeless drunk
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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