Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
