Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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