I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
