ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
