been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
