I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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