I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
