I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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