am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
