Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
