I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
