Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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