I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
