people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
