We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize