Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
