She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
