yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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