You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
