she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
