dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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