Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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