after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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