"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
